How Can We Resolve This?

(I pinched these beautiful hydrangea blooms from my oft-absent, next-door neighbor's backyard bush.  I am a thief.  So, sue me.)

In my last post a few weeks back (sorry, but I'm now posting irregularly on two blogs), I wrote about some issues Mom was having with me, as expressed in her notes of the items she wanted to speak with her guardian about.  Namely, she was unhappy that her trash can had been removed from her room and that I wouldn't provide her with the one that she was certain I had removed from her home.  She was angry, too, about the disappearance of her fabric underwear, which I had been asked to remove.

After considering the problems, I came to this conclusion:  I GIVE UP!  (In both childcare- and eldercare-speak, this is known as picking your battles.)

So, on my way to see Mom last Monday, I stopped at Wal-Mart, where I purchased a good idea.  That is, I bought a trash can with a lid that springs open when you step on a little pedal at the base of the can!  This design, of course, makes it very inconvenient to use the trash can for any other purpose.  You know and I know that the entire lid can be removed, but I withheld that particular little bit of information from Mom.

Also, I decided to relocate the trash can from right next to her bed to the area at the foot of the bed so that it's not in her field of vision at night.

Trash can problem?  Resolved . . . for the moment.  (The sands of dementia are ever-shifting, after all.  Oh?  You want proof?  Let me direct you to this recent post over at Miz S.)

At Wal-Mart, I also purchased some heavy-duty incontinence pads to go along with Mom's fabric underwear that I brought from home.  I just shoved the underwear and the pads in the same drawer with the Depends, slammed the drawer shut and ran away.

When Mom was in the bathroom, I nipped down the hall to chat with Nurse M.  I showed Nurse M. the notes Mom had written about the trash can and underwear issues and explained to her that I could no longer fight these battles with Mom, that her unhappiness was compromising our relationship, and that Antique Village would have to step up and be the bad guy in the future.

Nurse M. was totally sympathetic and understanding, and she even congratulated me on the purchase of the good idea at Wal-Mart!

Now and then I want to ask how everything is going, but then I remember that I don't really want to be in this particular loop.  So, I let it go.

Underwear problem resolved?  Who knows?

 

Comments

[Margaret]

You are brilliant and a creative problem solver. However, I think "I give up" is probably a more realistic assessment. There will be more issues and you'll have to let go of them; otherwise you'll feel helpless, miserable and guilty for things you can't possibly control. Hugs.

[Miz S]

Good idea to communicate this to the nursing staff. I hope it helps.