In Which I Am Labeled "Ho"

In the midst of this Great Commotion, I was up at Mom's one night, when our conversation turned to hiding places.

I don't remember in what context or why this subject arose, but Mom almost-gleefully told me that whenever she wants to hide something, she puts whatever-it-is under her mattress.

Intrigued, I waited until she went into the bathroom, and lifted her mattress to discover a small, cardboard accordion file!

 
Written on the outside, in my brother's handwriting, I saw some notes to Mom, a couple of pie charts and some personal sentiments he holds about me.

The pie chart on the right shows the original intentions expressed in my parents' will, which was prepared in 2000.  My initial, A, is on the right half of the pie.  P. is on the left.

P. has drawn arrows pointing to me, A, and indicated to our mother that I am greedy, selfish, have never worked and have no children.

The pie chart has been redrawn and reconfigured on the left, to illustrate P.'s wishes to alter the original chart/will to include P. and W., P.'s two children.  That wholesome word, family, floats above.

P. instructs Mom to ask the trust attorney, Jim Walsh, if "the boys are protected."

Finally, he urges her to recall that the investment transaction, when Mom went to the bank and purchased municipal bonds while believing that she was buying savings bonds, was reversed.

Inside of the folder was a variety of papers.

 
There were six different printouts regarding providing for grandchildren in wills and/or trusts.

 
 
 
I also found the above signed and dated diatribe.  You will see a person by the name of Mrs. Reynolds mentioned.  Mrs. Reynolds is an old friend of my mother's, whom Mom has known since 1965 or so.  My brother did, in fact, call Mrs. Reynolds and questioned her about her own family's will and trust details!

 
 
One day when I was away, P. (you can see here that his name is Paul) called our house and spoke with Tony.  When I got home and heard about it, I asked Tony to type something up for me about their phone conversation.

 
I fired off this letter to P. after his conversation with Tony.  I found it in the folder, as well, with that lovely endearment written near my name.  Disturbing to me is that P. meant for Mom to read it!  In the same vein, once I called P. and left a lengthy message for him regarding my concern about Mom's mental state and the possible need for an alternative living situation (assisted living).  The next time I went up to Mom's, I helped her to retrieve her messages--a process which was confusing to her--and found that P. had somehow forwarded the message I left for him to MOM'S PHONE!

Finally, below is the letter I received from Mom's friend of 50 years, Mrs. L., back in 2003.  During the Great Commotion, I faxed this letter to Mom's trust attorney, hoping to convey to him that there was foundation for my concerns about Mom's mental state.

The trust attorney, Jim Walsh, made the letter available to my brother, who promptly related his knowledge of it to Mom.

 
 

In case you're wondering, P. never repaid the HELOC loan.  Indeed, after making a handful of payments, which were often late, he quit making the monthly payments altogether.  I discovered this when Mom began receiving phone calls from Chevy Chase Bank at Antique Village about the delinquent account.

When Mom's house was finally sold in 2009, after being vacant for 18 months because of the obstruction of a certain party, Mom was required to pay off the HELOC from the proceeds of the sale.

I've tried not to interject my thoughts and feelings about the documents, except for the occasional exclamation point, I've included here, just to present the evidence, as it were.

This is because I am most curious to learn what you readers perceive about P. as you read them.

More, lots more, later.

Comments

[Karenth49]

A, I read every word last night. It was grueling.

Are you sure that you are biologically related to P?

Red flags and alarm bells kept going off in my head. This seems the sort of business that eats family resources voraciously, leaving nothing and no one standing. It made me feel sad and somewhat ill.

[The Complaint Department]

Karen-You are so right! This whole episode has been both costly and emotionally deadly. My desire in fighting the battle has been to make sure that Mom has enought assets to see her through the end of her days. I honestly felt that if P. were given authority over Mom's finances, he would have felt no compunction in using them for himself. While, I think Mom will be okay, I do know that long-term nursing care (Mom's now in assisted living, which is a little more reasonable)can be very expensive. During just one month when my Dad was at a nursing home, the bill was $9,000. He needed a high degree of skilled nursing care, but we can't see around corners and so must plan for the worst-case scenario, I think.

Hope you're well and enjoyed your holidays on the road. How I envied you!

[Miz S]

I will have to come back and read all the documents later, as I am running late for work. But, you KNOW what I think about your brother. Also, I wonder if you want to go into a little more of the family history here. I can't help but feel that the entire family dynamic was altered forever by events that happened when you were young. Does that explain P's behavior? (Also, delete this comment if it's too personal)

[The Complaint Department]

Mary-I'll probably wrap up this series of posts with some more background, which could provide some insight into P.'s behavior. It's all really meant to be a cautionary tale, as families, world-wide, are experiencing similar events.