Fat Chat

July 27, 2011: 158.2

 

 

Weekly Weight

Gack!  I'm hoping this gain is an anomaly, because there really isn't any calorie-related explanation.  Still, my little, red balloon experienced a mysterious puff of easterly wind over there on the weight-loss ticker!

All I can say is that the weather--exceedingly hot and humid--may have played a role, as well as a departure from my normal, weekly schedule visiting Mom at assisted living.

I never go outside in the type of weather we had last week around here.  Not if I can help it.  The whole mid-Atlantic region suffered temperatures approaching or exceeding 100 degrees for most of the week, not to mention the factoring in of the oppressive humidity, which makes it feel like 110 or 115 degrees.

(I did, in fact, venture into a wooded area near the house and suffered a chigger attack, which is still causing the odd itch.  My arms and legs look like a child's in the summertime, with lots of red bumps and sores and, even, bruises where I've been scratching vigorously.  Yes, very attractive.)

Mostly, I lolled around and spent too much time on the computer and watching TV.  Everything seemed like a major undertaking, even housework and cooking, laundry and feeding the animals.  I only had enough energy to scratch at the chiggers.  It was ghastly.

Because of the extreme temperatures, my weekend visit to see Mom was postponed until yesterday, when temperatures were a more manageable 90 degrees.  Four hours of driving and a day spent moving at a snail's pace, plus a restaurant meal, didn't help matters.  I don't know about you, but any kind of traveling--plane, train, automobile--can cause me to gain weight--puff up--for some reason.  Maybe it's all the sitting.  I dunno.

Anyway, when I came home from seeing Mom last evening, I found Tony in the kitchen with fried chicken, cole slaw, rice and beans and biscuits from some local establishment.  I desperately wanted some fried chicken--it was all hot and crunchy--but held off because I wanted to be able to post a loss today.  And was quite certain that I would.

Not only didn't I lose or maintain my current weight, but, instead, gained.  And.  And.  And, now, my beloved fried chicken (that I've been thinking about since I read this post over at Miz S) is cold and soggy in the refrigerator.

I confess that I even considered not posting today, but waiting until tomorrow, and coming up with some excuse like, "OMG!  I can't believe I forgot to post yesterday!"

So, I am a little over where I wanted to be this week, but just 0.2 pounds.  So, it's good.

Next week's weigh-in will include the results from my weekend in Baltimore with Peanut.  Just so you know.

 

Candid Fat Photo

Here's a good illustration of the pear-shaped and apple-shaped body types.  I am of the apple variety, on the right.  Oh, how I wish I was more of a pear.

 

Interesting Issues

I've read a lot about the wardrobes of people who struggle with weight issues.  Many of these folks say that they have two wardrobes--a "fat" one and a "thin" one.  Or maybe more than two--more like a series of sizes ranging from lower to higher, including everything in between.

My approach to buying clothes when I gain weight is just not to do it, always telling myself that there's no point in buying new clothes since it's just a matter of time before I'll drop the extra pounds.

Which I never do.

A few days ago, though, I had to visit our little, local department store to buy some new bras for Mom (and where I met a poor, befuddled, middle-aged man who was shopping for bras for and with his very deaf, 95-year-old mother, and where I realized I didn't have it too bad, after all).  And since I didn't want to head up to Baltimore with only my summertime fat suit, which consists of white t-shirts and beige shorts (as opposed to the winter fat suit of white t-shirts, beige slacks and giant over-shirts), I decided to look for a few, new pieces of clothing.

 

 

I ventured outside of my clothing comfort zone with the white, sheer, girly, peasant-style blouse, which I fell in love with, but will probably divorce once I learn how high-maintenance it is.

Also purchased were a new pair of shorts, with a very delicate-patterned, gray and white pinstripe-y kind of fabric and, yes, a t-shirt.  But it's a very deep, rose color, so give me some credit.

T-shirts are not always the best look for someone who's larger-chested.  Once, many years ago, I was in a restaurant at lunchtime and, as I was paying for my food at the counter, I looked over and saw an elderly gentleman smiling at me in a very kindly way.  I smiled back, and walked to a table and sat down.  The man approached me and said, "Is this your first?  My daughter just had hers."

It didn't take long for me to figure out that he was asking me about my non-existent pregnancy.  After the initial shock, I made the snap decision to just go with the flow of the conversation.  He seemed like such a nice man, and I didn't want to embarrass him by telling him that I wasn't pregnant AT ALL for Christ's sake!

I remember that he asked me when I was due and offered me his warm congratulations.  I answered his questions and smiled pleasantly, and he strode away after a moment or two, leaving me to spend the rest of my lunch break hot-faced with stinging eyes.

Even so, I still wear t-shirts.  And, at age 55, I don't think I'll have to suffer that particular embarrassment, again.

 

Do This, Don't Do That

Even though I logged a gain this week, I'm not disheartened.  As I've mentioned before, I weigh myself every day these days and realize that there can be vast fluctuations over the period of a week or two or four.  Most gains can usually be overcome in a day or two, unless they're the result of consuming way, way, way too many calories.  Or salt.

In July, my highest weight has been 159.8.  The lowest, to date, 156.

My scheduled goal for next week--Wednesday weigh-in--is 157.5, as I calculated, for half-pound losses each week, in my immensely-complicated graph.  I remain hopeful and optimistic about reaching these modest goals, which will add up to big losses over time.

Mind over blubber, you know.

July 20, 2001: 157.0

Losing weight is like undertaking a big, big project at school or work.  I think about it all the time, and can't let myself be distracted by anything for too long.  I am working on my fat dissertation.  And, like all long-term projects, I'm finding that structure is needed to get the job done--both in the day-to-day work and, here, in the weekly posts at Fat Chat.

So, I'm going to be introducing some categories for my weekly updates.

 

Weekly Weight

I'm pretty thrilled to have achieved a loss this week, truthfully.  Last Wednesday evening, we ordered pizza and spicy chicken wings for delivery--I ate two small pieces of pizza and four of the chicken (bone-out) nuggets.  While I weighed 157.6 that morning when I posted, the following morning I was up to 159.2.  Hello, sodium!

I sinned, again, when I made a pineapple upside-down cake for Tony and my mom.  There was the butter, there was the brown sugar, there was the white sugar, there was the shortening, there was the flour.  I nibbled at the cake, a forkful at a time, for a few days, eating a couple of pieces in total, before I cut off a big hunk to take up to Mom, leaving Tony to polish off the rest.

It's boring to read stuff like What I Ate Today, but what I really want to convey is that, every now and then, one must have pizza and pineapple upside-down cake, though in tiny, tiny doses.  I know it's all about the moderation and eating well for the vast majority of the time.

I am down 11 pounds.

 

Candid Fat Photo

About 10 years ago, Tony and I were in Germany for a week or two.  We dined, at some point, with a work colleague of Tony's and his significant other, who had a grown daughter.  This daughter, a German, visited (or lived for a while in) the U.S., and her mother related to me that the young woman was astonished by the number of very, very fat people.  So much so that she was compelled to take a picture (maybe more than one!) of one of these heavy people while out sightseeing.  She asked a friend to amble up along side of the big person, and pretended to take a picture of the friend, but snapped the fattie, instead.  I wonder if anyone has taken such a photo of me?

Even though I was still on the slimmer side when I heard this story, I've become a fattie more recently, so I feel like I can relate this story without being politically incorrect.  Hey, it's not politically incorrect to look around and notice this enormous problem with ones own eyes, a problem which spans age, sex and race, is it?  You can't control what age, sex (?) or race you are, but you can control how fat (or thin) you become.  At least here in the U.S.

Let me also add that I had the occasion to see the German woman and Tony's former work colleague a year or two ago in Annapolis.  She had retained her slender, petite figure, while I had stacked on 30 or 40 pounds.  She was completely at a loss for words when she saw me.  Really.  She just kept looking at me and saying, "Ohhhh. Ohhhh."  I remember feeling embarrassed and humiliated, because I could see her struggling with how to react to my much-altered appearance.

 

I snapped this from my car, while waiting at a traffic light.  This image was really more interesting than the picture conveys.  The man was actually pumping gas, but had stepped a few paces away from the pump to . . . light up a cigarette!  Meanwhile, there were several children in the SUV who were blowing bubbles from little plastic jars out of the windows.

 

I'm posting photos such as the above to remind myself of the problem, and of the fact that I am part of the problem.  The man in the picture above and I have the same problem--we are fat.  The degree of the problem may be different, but the problem is the same.  And so is the solution. 

The U.S. is the fattest developed nation in the world.  I notice this the most when I watch international news--especially stories about disasters, natural or otherwise.  Oh, a lot of other nations are catching up, but the U.S. is still way ahead of the rest of the fat pack.  If you travel abroad and are very fat, you will be presumed to be American, until proved otherwise.  That is so unfair you might be thinking, but it's a statistical truth.

 

Interesting Issues

Here's an article from the LA Times about the relationship between the proximity of grocery stores and fast foods joints and the costs of buying groceries and cooking at home versus the cost of fast food--and the effect of all of the above on obesity rates.

A study has found that, even with a full grocery store nearby, if a fast food joint is nearby, people, especially men, will opt for fast food over purchasing groceries and preparing food at home.  I'm not too surprised.  Convenience trumps time-consuming endeavors.

The article mentions, too, that fast food is less expensive than grocery store options.  I DO find this hard to believe.

Just some food for thought.

 

Do This, Don't Do That

Here are just a few notions and things that are helping me stay motivated in my goal to lose weight.  I would rather be my own harshest critic than have anyone else be so.  I'm in control here!

1.  Get on the scale every, single day.  Aim for a general, slow, downward trend and don't fret about insignificant gains from day to day.

2.  Accept personal responsibility for food choices (and everything under your control) and adopt a no-excuses policy.  (I'm too tired, I'm too depressed, I'm too busy, I'm too hungry.  What's wrong with me?  Why can't I do this?  I blew it today.  I blew it yesterday.  I fell off the wagon.  I had a fight with my boyfriend, my best friend, my boss, my wife, my husband, my father, my mother, my kid.  I ate pizza.  I ate pineapple upside-down cake.  Don't get me wrong.  I can completely appreciate the comfort value of food, but I think that buying into the validity of excuses just makes it that much easier to give yourself a pass the next time.  And the next time.)

3.  Determine how many calories you need to consume each day in order to lose the amount of weight you desire.  Keep track of the calories you consume each day.  With the calories you are allotted, make the best possible food choices to use them up.  If you eat too many calories one day, cut back the next.  (In fact, I read somewhere recently that the best way to consume your calories is to do just that--eat more one day, fewer the next--aiming for an overall figure through the week.  Something about keeping your body guessing and keeping the metabolism from slowing.)

4.  Try to be patient.  It took me years to gain 40 pounds, and I know it will take me a while to lose it, too.  A lot of weight-loss literature states that slower losses are more enduring.

 

Until next week, then, and thanks for reading. 

July 13, 2011: 157.6

So, how do you like my little, weight-loss ticker I stuck up on the side bar last week?

I tried a few different bar/icon combos, and a lot of them wouldn't really fit very well into the small space over there.  But, I'm happy with the design I finally worked out, even though the last half-inch has been lopped off.  Typepad wouldn't let me place the thing anywhere else.

The beach, where the winds can blow from the West or East or where the air can be still, and the little, red, partially-deflated, helium balloon are symbolic, of course.  My little balloon will, hopefully, be gently pushed along by westerly breezes, but I know there will be times of stillness and, occasionally, gigantic, weight-gain gusts from the East.

In order to create the ticker, I had to determine some goals.  I will strive to lose 42 pounds in total, taking me from 168 to 126.  As it happens, 42 pounds is exactly 25% of my starting weight.  Somehow, this percentage appeals to the nerd in me.  It's also a goal that I can, potentially, reach by my 57th birthday next year--in October.  A tidy, little box all tied up with a bow!  On one level, though, I know that, realistically, the goal weight might be a bit low for me, now that I'm approaching my dotage.  I may reach 135 and feel comfortable, so we'll just have to wait and see.  Obviously, with a weekly goal of a half-pound loss, all this is far, far in the future.

Anyway, I wanted to talk a little about why I got fat, after holding relatively steady for so many years.  It's pretty simple, I think.  I got careless at a time when what I really needed to be was extra vigilant!

Because, you see, I am middle-aged.  And the middle-age years present, um, certain challenges for women.  Men, too, I suppose, but don't even try to convince me that there's such a thing as male menopause.  I will laugh you off the face of the planet!

In the years leading up to menopause, there can be a lot of rage.  Raging hormones, raging emotions, raging sleep issues, raging hot flashes . . . rage, rage, rage.  For me, it wasn't very pretty.  The body functioned differently, everything was wacky.  This business started for me at around age 48, and now, many years later, I'm just starting to come out of the fog.  I'm sleeping a bit better and the hot flashes--especially the daytime ones--are subsiding.  The dust is settling.

When I was younger, I lamented those monthly cycles.  Now I know that all that business was a walk in the park compared to the menopause decade!

I became a sweaty slob.

The libido suffered.

Oh.  Sorry.  Is that too much information?  (That reminds me of a former friend who used to ask me personal questions, but, when I answered, she would start screaming, "TMI!  TMI!" and flapping her hands in the air.  She was of the passive-aggressive ilk.)

During these years, my parents went and got old and needy!  When that happened, stress levels skyrocketed.  I was the primary looker-afterer, and I lived out of town.  I worked full-time, or part-time or not-at-all.  The emotional strain was like a nasty vine, which grew constricting tendrils throughout every aspect of life.

I was sad and unhappy and exhausted from hovering over and fretting about the old folks.

Dad died, after a painful, protracted decline.

Mom developed dementia--probable Alzheimer's.

There also arose issues of elder financial abuse by a family member.

Then there were lawyers and courts and a guardianship for Mom.

There was the remodeling and the cleaning out and the sale of the parents' home.

There was the loss of some beloved pets.

There was the diagnosis of my husband's dilated cardiomyopathy.

There was just a whole lot of shit, basically, and I didn't pay any attention to what I was doing to myself.  My attention was focused elsewhere, all the time.  And, of course, food IS a comfort.

I read a lot of books about what to expect in caring for someone with dementia.  They all said, "Take care of yourself.  Make time for yourself."  But, you know, that's much easier said than done, when you're in the thick of it.

Some of this stuff is still ongoing.  Mom's dementia is advancing, so new challenges occur regularly.  But the emotionally- and physically-draining dramas are fewer these days, and a certain sense of self-centeredness is strengthening in me.

And I think this is what's driving this slimming caper . . .  and Fat Chat, in general.

I've lost a little this week, and I'm about 1.5 pounds--three weeks--ahead of schedule, so I'm happy about that.

July 6, 2011: 158.2

I recorded the above weight yesterday because I have an early appointment scheduled today, disrupting my entire morning routine.

I was shocked to read the display on the scale . . . so much so that I moved the scale from one place to another on the bathroom floor, after which I read 157.6!  WTF?  I moved it, again, and, again, it flashed 157.6.  I ran downstairs to get new batteries.  After switching out the batteries, I brought the scale downstairs, and placed it on the wood floor.  Still 157.6.  I took the scale back upstairs and placed it in its original position.  158.2.

After all that, I'm going with the original weight.  But what a lot of silly, obsessive running-around, though it was all a bit of a workout!  Exercise?  Check.

You know, when you're shooting for just a half-pound loss every week--just so many tenths of a pound--it's so important to believe that your scale is accurate.  I think, though, I'll just have to settle for a general, downward trend.  I'm okay with that.

After last week's post, Pamela-J sent me this interesting article.  On the whole, I found the article a little confusing in terms of the how-it-all-adds-up-in-the-gaining-or-losing-over-time game, but I came away with the following:  Yogurt is very, very good for you, as are nuts and whole grains.  Potatoes?  Not so much.  (Bad news, indeed, for the potato salad I made yesterday.)

I was all smug about the yogurt part, though, because I eat yogurt almost every day!  These days, there's an incredible selection of yogurts in grocery stores--much broader than in past years.  There's the run-of-the-mill, watery stuff that's always been around, but, right now, I like the Greek (style) yogurts.  Chobani brand, specifically.  It's more expensive, but it's much more substantial than some of the others--denser and more calorie-rich--and a container usually serves as an entire meal for me (with a little added fruit or nuts).  I will not apologize!

Other stuff I'm eating a lot of these days are salads, complicated salads.  Loads of vegetables and lettuce, chick peas, feta cheese, maybe some olives, usually some broiled chicken mixed in, or hard-boiled eggs, all with Gazebo Room Greek salad dressing (not the light stuff, mind you).  More often than not, I add a third- or half-cup of whole grain, brown rice.

Brown rice can be pretty boring on its own, so I usually saute, in olive oil, some mushrooms and onions, and maybe some garlic, to mix in, along with a little sea salt and pepper.

And, it's summer, so fruit--whatever's on sale--is a big part of the daily routine.

Overall, I'm trying really hard to stay away from ANY processed food (although I have nipped a few of those cheese puff balls Tony brought home recently--hey, I'm no saint, that's certain).

I drink two or three cups of coffee every day, all with sugar and half-and-half.  I'm still in the process of minimizing the intake of diet sodas and increasing just plain water.  At most, I'll have just one soda in the evenings, but I'm still striving to eliminate them completely.  I haven't had one for two or three days, now.  For a while, I was making iced tea, but that's fallen by the wayside.  So, mostly it's coffee and water.

Other than the above, I'm trying to make sure that I get really hungry before I have a meal and that I keep a running tally of the calories I'm consuming every day--either on paper or in my head.  It helps me just to be mindful of everything I'm shoving into my pie hole.

Hmmmm.  Pie.

And, you know what?  Writing here at Fat Chat is a big help, too.  I know I have a few regular readers and commenters (and maybe others who pop by in secret), so I always want to earn an A+ from you!